If I Need to Be Right, Then You Must Be Wrong: How This Mindset Damages Your Relationship with Your Teen

Oct 21, 2025
 
 
 
There’s this little thing called the π’†π’ˆπ’. Not so little, really. The ego says, “I’m important. Pay attention to me. I know more than you. I am right. I must be right—or else who am I?”
 
The problem with needing to be right is that π’Šπ’• π’‚π’–π’•π’π’Žπ’‚π’•π’Šπ’„π’‚π’π’π’š π’Žπ’‚π’Œπ’†π’” π’”π’π’Žπ’†π’π’π’† 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 π’˜π’“π’π’π’ˆ. And in parent-child relationships, that often means your teen. Remember, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒃𝒆 π’•π’˜π’ π’˜π’Šπ’π’π’†π’“π’” π’˜π’‰π’†π’ 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 π’„π’π’Žπ’† 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒑.
 
You know what that feels like in any close relationship— π’“π’†π’‹π’†π’„π’•π’Šπ’π’, π’‚π’π’ˆπ’†π’“, π’“π’†π’”π’†π’π’•π’Žπ’†π’π’•. None of these paves the way for 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕, which are at the heart of healthy connection.
 
Now imagine how this dynamic plays out with your teen. π‘΅π’†π’†π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 π’“π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’• 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 π’“π’†π’”π’Šπ’”π’•π’‚π’π’„π’†, π’…π’†π’‡π’Šπ’‚π’π’„π’†, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’…π’Šπ’”π’•π’‚π’π’„π’† —exactly the opposite of what you want. So why do we fall into this trap?
 
Often, when you try to ‘guide’ (read ‘convince’) your child toward a better decision or mindset, you’re acting from love… or so it seems. 𝑴𝒐𝒓𝒆 π’π’Šπ’Œπ’†π’π’š, π’Šπ’•’𝒔 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓 π’Šπ’ π’…π’Šπ’”π’ˆπ’–π’Šπ’”π’†.
 
𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒆’𝒔 π’˜π’‰π’‚π’• π’Žπ’‚π’š π’“π’†π’‚π’π’π’š 𝒃𝒆 π’ˆπ’π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’šπ’π’–:
  •  You have tons of life experience. They don’t—yet.
  •  You’ve learned to make thoughtful, informed decisions. They act on impulse.
  •  You can see the consequences of their actions. They think they’re invincible.
  •  You do know better—and want to protect them.
  •  Meanwhile, they believe you know nothing, and they know everything.
 
Wouldn’t it be great if they said, “Mom, Dad, you’re absolutely right”? (And would you fall over if they did?)
 
Sometimes you 𝒂𝒓𝒆 right… and it still doesn’t matter. To nurture the relationship where your child turns to you for guidance and reassurance, π’•π’‰π’†π’š 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆. If they don’t feel safe—free from judgment, criticism, or fixing—they won’t open up. 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏 π’˜π’‰π’†π’ π’•π’‰π’†π’š 𝒂𝒄𝒕 π’•π’π’–π’ˆπ’‰, 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 π’”π’•π’Šπ’π’ π’”π’†π’†π’Œπ’Šπ’π’ˆ π’šπ’π’–π’“ 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒂𝒍, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆.
 
So, the next time you feel that urge to come out on top, take the pause. Be present and thoughtful.
 
π‘Ήπ’†π’Žπ’†π’Žπ’ƒπ’†π’“ 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒏 π’‚π’“π’ˆπ’–π’Žπ’†π’π’• π’Šπ’” π’˜π’‰π’†π’ π’”π’π’Žπ’†π’•π’‰π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 π’ƒπ’†π’„π’π’Žπ’†π’” π’Žπ’π’“π’† π’Šπ’Žπ’‘π’π’“π’•π’‚π’π’• 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆
π’“π’†π’π’‚π’•π’Šπ’π’π’”π’‰π’Šπ’‘ 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’„π’‰π’Šπ’π’… π’Šπ’ 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 π’šπ’π’–.
π‘¨π’”π’Œ π’šπ’π’–π’“π’”π’†π’π’‡: 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 π’Žπ’π’“π’† π’Šπ’Žπ’‘π’π’“π’•π’‚π’π’• π’“π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’• π’π’π’˜—π’˜π’Šπ’π’π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’•π’‰π’Šπ’” π’‘π’π’Šπ’π’• 𝒐𝒓 π’Œπ’†π’†π’‘π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 π’ƒπ’†π’•π’˜π’†π’†π’ 𝒖𝒔?
 
Your child needs to make mistakes. As hard as that is to witness, those stumbles are the building blocks of competence, confidence, and compassion.
 
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 π’šπ’π’– 𝒅𝒐 π’Šπ’π’”π’•π’†π’‚π’…?
  1.  Agree to disagree.
  2.  Step back and reflect.
  3.  Ask what your teen really needs: a sounding board, a hug, advice, or space.
  4. Offer support without taking over.
 
These choices give your teen π’‘π’“π’‚π’„π’•π’Šπ’„π’† π’Šπ’ 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇-π’‚π’˜π’‚π’“π’†π’π’†π’”π’” —an essential skill for emotional well-being.

 

π‘Ήπ’†π’Žπ’†π’Žπ’ƒπ’†π’“ π’šπ’π’–π’“ π’ƒπ’Šπ’ˆπ’ˆπ’†π’“ π’—π’Šπ’”π’Šπ’π’: to raise a resilient, connected, thoughtful young adult. Nurture it like a seed. Let go of needing to be right and focus instead on building trust. Strive for a heart-to-heart connection and watch it grow.

 

 

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