Protect Yourself. Make “Disengage” Your Safe Word.
Apr 16, 2026
When dealing with an adult child who’s gone no-contact (but still calls or texts to vent or berate you), there’s often a demanding, controlling aspect to their words and tone.
- Here’s what we can talk about.
- I won’t talk about X.
- You never…
- You always…
- You should have…
- Here’s what you should do.
- I didn’t ask to be born.
It’s beyond difficult to be on the receiving end of this onslaught of anger, blame, and shame.
Listen carefully: You don’t have to stick around for it. You’re allowed to disengage.
Some of you have shared that you’re afraid to disengage because your child might completely cut you off. I understand that fear.
Only you know what your bottom line is.
- Maintain contact and experience misery in nearly every communication OR
- Protect yourself from that particular pain and love them from a distance (also distressing).
I won’t tell you what to do. There is no right thing to do. Just be aware that you have a choice.
There’s language you may not yet know for disengaging from a challenging — even abusive — conversation.
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