Social Anxiety

I was socially awkward.

I was 16 years old and sat in the shadows.

I belonged to a youth group with chapters all over the area. There were Friday and Saturday night ‘socials’ at different members’ houses.

(And yes, there was always a parent at home.)

𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙚. I was the one on a chair, on the sidelines, smiling politely, but rarely making an attempt to engage. Not much socializing going on there, lots of anxiety.

If I’d stayed at home, there would have been little to no anxiety. 𝙎𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙄 𝙜𝙤?

Somehow, I knew there was another life waiting for me, and I wanted in.

𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝.

It took many months for me to take the risk of showing up differently; of acting differently; of actually mingling.

Smiling, talking, laughing, starting a conversation. Social anxiety is exhausting.

𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙝𝙪𝙜𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙠.

Who to approach?
Who not to approach?

What to say?
What to reply?

Would they accept me?
Reject me?

What if I made a fool of myself?
How could I make a quick escape?

OMG, what am I doing here?!

𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙮, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧.

𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙩, 𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧. It took years to develop the skills.

I can hold my own most anywhere. Truthfully, though, I still have twinges of reluctance to be in large groups and do the mingle thing. But I do it 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙧 𝙜𝙤𝙖𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚.

Do you identify with any of this?

Whether you do or you don’t, I encourage you to 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙝 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨.

For many kids, their world is a scary place. When they retreat, it’s not because they’re lazy or anti-social or apathetic.

Those may be the outward behaviors and attitudes; however, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙖 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 beneath it. That’s what drives behavior.

At the very least, 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. It’s the first step to processing emotions and sticking their toe in the waters of daring to try something new.