What Kids Learn From Their Parents’ Relationship

Individuals or couples—married, divorced, or separated—parents have this in common: they want to feel more connected to the other parent. They understand that connected parents are not only more satisfied in their relationship, they also have a greater positive impact on their children.

What does it mean to be connected parents?

Let's get one thing out of the way: connected parents do argue. They don't always see things the same way, and they struggle. What makes them different is how they get through stress and conflict.

Connected parents have learned how to resolve conflict without inflicting more pain. They are playful. They present a united front, even when they are not 100% in agreement.

Why are children emotionally healthier with connected parents?

There was a time when my husband and I did not score too well on any of those criteria. While love is key to a relationship, it's not enough. We each brought our own family history, life experience, and emotional needs into our marriage.

Combine that with raising children, paying the bills, and managing life... well, things got messy, and feeling connected was lost in the shuffle.

Looking back at those years, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been on our kids. When parents are floundering, where does that leave the children?

Children thrive with consistency. They need to know where they stand and what is expected of them. When children try to play one parent against the other, that unity is critical.

Parents who can argue without being mean and make up fairly quickly are modeling important relationship skills. Children learn that it's okay to disagree and still love each other.

Parents who can be lighthearted and have a sense of humor take some of the intensity out of life. Playfulness can ease tense moments, release negative energy, and teach children about emotional balance.

And connection provides security. Children who see connected parents and feel connected to them feel safer. They trust that their parents will be there to listen, guide, and support them—even if their parents are no longer together.

Where do you and your child's other parent stand on the connection scale?

If things aren't going as well as you'd like, begin with the perspective that you're doing this for your children. It's a little bit of “going through the motions with your kids as your motivation. You might need some help; a parent coach or therapist is a good resource.

Connected parents are a key to your child's emotional health and growth.

P.S. If you’re looking for a little help raising good humans (and maybe a good dog or two), you might enjoy my book, Leashes, Lessons and Love. It’s a humorous look at what dogs can teach us about parenting—with plenty of practical lessons along the way.

Get your copy of Leashes, Lessons and Love → https://fernweisbook.com/book